Chad? Is that you?
A few weeks back I finished my inaugural HFLoungers post, which consisted of myself mocking my delusional fellow Hurricanes fans for their completely unwarranted optimism towards the team. Or I should say I almost finished it. Faced with the daunting task of adding hyperlinks and checking grammar, I put it aside for a couple of days. During that time, it was announced that defenseman Joni Pitkänen has shockingly not recovered from his offseason surgery in the incredibly optimistic timespan that the Hurricanes initially projected him to recover him in. Despite the fact that (1) a similar (although less severe) injury ended Washington Capitals forward Pat Peake’s career and he still “hurt(s) every day” seventeen years later and (2) Hurricanes GM Jim Rutherford compared the injury to one “suffered from a car crash instead of during a sporting event” and (3) Pitkänen never returns from injuries on time, ever, Rutherford initially expected him to be recover in…three months. A few weeks later, Pitkänen underwent surgery and Rutherford told Chip Alexander that he wouldn’t know for a few months if the surgery was totally successful or not. In other words, it can be inferred that the three month-time frame was based on the idea that Pitkanen would not need surgery, which turned out to be wrong (as it was with Cory Stillman, František Kaberle and Tuomo Ruutu, to name just a few).
“Am I optimistic that Pitkänen can get back to playing? Yeah, I kind of am, as far as playing, because he’s not going to go the surgery route.”
That was Pat Peake back in April, offering that he was “kind of” optimistic that Pitkänen would return, ever. And that was before he knew that surgery was needed. Five months later, we find out that Pitkänen can’t even put weight on his heel and will not be ready to start the season (UPDATE: Pitkänen will miss the entire 2013-2014 season). Like a person violently stabbing a balloon with a pin, the Delusional Fan Optimism Balloon was instantly deflated (and I am terrible at analogies). Fans totally lost it, realizing that the stunning trainwreck that is Jay Harrison In The Top 4 could make another nightmare-inducing appearance. Or worse yet, Mike Komisarek (sigh). Many fans, noting that Joni’s puckmoving skills would be missed, suggested that skilled defender Ryan Murphy (last seen at the WJCs getting torched by Valeri Nichushkin) should take his spot in the lineup, while others wanted a “safer” (read: useless) option in the form of Brett Bellemore, since you can never have enough slow, talentless #6/7 defensive defensemen in the lineup at the same time. Both options are rooted in the painful trauma of low expectations that Rutherford has inflicted upon the Carolina fanbase since the beginning of time, constantly failing to upgrade the glaringly-terrible defense and instead opting to sign Joe Corvo every year. Outsiders suggested perfectly reasonable ideas like “You guys should sign Ron Hainsey,” but they don’t know our pain. They don’t know our pain.
With that, my awesome post was no longer relevant, so I did the sensible thing: completely gave up. I have come back a few weeks later to attempt to write something more topical and am sadly ending up resorting to a series of cliche “Training Camp Battles” pieces. If you like reading about mediocre hockey players competing for spots that they will probably lose five games into the season and force the team into replacing them via the waiver wire, this is for you! My first installment will focus on the total disaster that is the Hurricanes’ bototm six.
THE BOTTOM SIX
Other than Patrick Dwyer, the ‘Canes have zero proven NHL hockey players (Kevin Westgarth does not count) in their bottom six, which totally makes sense given that the team’s core is mostly in their late 20s and only have a few prime years left. I mean, what better time to roll the dice on fringe prospects and AHL fodder turning out to be NHLers?
Head coach Kirk Muller may opt to pair Jordan Staal and Tuomo Ruutu together, with Jeff Skinner and Elias Lindholm skating on a separate line. Thus the “bottom six” refers to the fourth line and the two players that will fill in the remaining spots on the 2nd/3rd line. I know this is a difficult concept, but try to understand it.
The players competing for spots can be broken down into a few distinct categories:
Quality AHL scorers who can’t score at the NHL level and don’t offer many other NHL attributes: Zac Dalpe, Zach Boychuk, Aaron Palushaj. The first thing you’ll notice about many of these names are that these are largely the same players that “compete” every year in camp and fail to do anything, but “win” a spot simply because someone has to win. Zac Dalpe has “won” a spot in the lineup for three straight years, only to be sent down early in the season after his elite ability to skate down the wing and take a wrister/circle the net got old. Boychuk’s size and lack of hockey sense will likely prevent him from ever cracking the NHL on a full-time basis, though angry fans taking out their own personal failures on hockey players like to pretend it’s because he’s out of shape. Palushaj is the new guy in town and offers more in the “energy” category (and apparently falls down a lot), but likewise probably shouldn’t be in the NHL. This is the Carolina Hurricanes, however, so he has a pretty good shot.
Random Physical Players: Brett Sutter, Nicolas Blanchard. If you’ve been on HFBoards for more than a few minutes at any point since 2005, you’ve probably seen Nicolas Blanchard penciled in on the 4th line at least a few thousand times. This might be the year that The Dream is finally realized. Blanchard offers physicality and fighting ability, essentially making himself a better version of Kevin Westgarth. However, Westgarth is signed to a one-way deal and it remains to be seen whether the Hurricanes want to spend more money to have an additional player whose main assets are facepunching/grit on the roster. Sutter is a confusing case; every time he’s been in the NHL he’s done absolutely mindless things like throw an open ice hit while covering for a defenseman in transition or take horrible penalties, yet has endeared himself to Hurricanes fans due to meaningless stuff like having the last name “Sutter” or captaining an AHL team (I wonder how many AHL captains amounted to anything in the NHL; the list can’t be that long). To me, he appears to be a meathead incapable of doing much else other than running around throwing hits at defenseman two seconds after they’ve released the puck. If we are setting the bar so low to have a spot in the lineup, I would think that having a bigger, more intimidating player who is also a more capable fighter (Blanchard) makes more sense.
Safe/Useless Players: Drayson Bowman, Riley Nash. Nash and Bowman won’t cost you on the ice like some of the previously mentioned names, but won’t contribute much of anything either, despite delusional predictions by 12-year-olds that Nash will win the Selke. If the Hurricanes are looking to ice a fourth line that score and/or hit rather than skate around aimlessly and chip the puck out, it’s hard to see these two cracking the lineup. However, with many of the candidates for the bottom six being total liabilities, it wouldn’t surprise me if head coach Muller decided to simply ice a fourth line that wasn’t going to lose him games.
Guy Who Has A One-Way, $1M Contract For No Reason Whatsoever. Jeremy Welsh. Brillliant negotiating.
NHL Veterans: Radek Dvořák, Nathan Gerbe. What, players with an actual history of being semi-decent NHL players? While both Gerbe and Dvořák have seen their careers fall off somewhat over the past few seasons, the fact that they were useful a mere or three years ago would seemingly give them a leg up on the generally disgusting trash-heap of waiver fodder above. What sets Dvořák apart from the rest is his history as a penalty killer at the NHL level. Last season the team’s top six penalty killers (in terms of average shorthanded time) were Jordan Staal, Patrick Dwyer, Jussi Jokinen, Eric Staal, Jiri Tlusty and Alex Semin. Having someone like Dvořák in the lineup would help reduce the tough shorthanded minutes of the team’s top forwads and allow them to focus more on offense. It’s true that Blanchard and Sutter have spent significant time killing penalties at the AHL level, but can they do it at the NHL level? Gerbe, meanwhile, was able to produce 16 goals and 31 points in 64 games during the 2010-2011 season (while playing bottom six minutes alongside Paul Gaustad and Patrick Kaleta), but has been slowed due to a back injury since. He’s also roughly the same size as my mom.
FEARLESS AND LIKELY WRONG PREDICTION:
Jiří Tlustý – Eric Staal – Alex Semin
Tuomo Ruutu – Jordan Staal – Patrick Dwyer
Jeff Skinner – Elias Lindholm – Radek Dvořák
Drayson Bowman – Riley Nash – Westgarth/Blanchard
HFLOUNGERS 